Newborn Must-Haves

When we found out we were pregnant with Kate I immediately began researching baby products and planning her nursery. I knew there were stores upon stores dedicated to selling parents the "best" gear for babies, and I also realized there was a lot of stuff that was absolutely unnecessary as well. I was bound and determined to figure it all out.

Now, two years later, I feel like somewhat of an old pro when it comes to baby gear. I know what works well for my family and I did enough research to at least have suggestions for other people who've asked for advice. I thought I'd put down some of the products that we love here:

My Breast Friend - The Boppy is great for nursing a baby, but I think the My Breast Friend is even better. It has back support, clips around your waist so it stays up and offers a more level surface for the baby to rest on. It even has a little pouch on the side to store things like nipple cream and extra nipple shields. I had this and the Boppy and felt both had their own perks, but I preferred the My Breast Friend. 
My Breast Friend

Dr. Brown's Bottles - Although I started out exclusively breastfeeding Kate, I eventually needed to pump to supplement her and then we went to formula all together after 3 months. We tried several bottles (I'm glad I didn't register for more than a few) and landed on Dr. Brown's in the end. There are 4 separate parts to the bottle, making it a pain to wash, but we felt Kate did the best on them. She never struggled with reflux and the flow was just right for her. 
Dr. Brown's Bottles

HALO SleepSack Swaddle - Kate loved being swaddled when she was a newborn. Since she was an autumn/winter baby we loved the warn fleece HALO swaddles. Some people prefer swaddles without Velcro (since they can make a lot of noise during a middle of the night diaper change), but out of the three or four brands we tried, HALO was my favorite!
HALO SleepSack Swaddles

Boppy Changing Pad Liners - I LOVED these so much and originally didn't even think I would need them. I thought these things were going to go the way of "extra perks that weren't really necessary" but, by the 4th or 5th time Kate peed outside of her diaper onto one, in the FIRST week we were home, I was hooked. They saved me from having to strip the entire changing pad cover off and wash it anytime there is an accident. 
Boppy Waterproof Changing Pad Liners

Jacques the Peacock - This little peacock is great for newborns. It has different textures and colors and fabrics (crinkle!) that make it great for new little eyes and hands to explore. Plus, the back of the peacock is predominately black and white with bold shapes which is perfect for newborn sight development. I also loved the car seat clip on top so he could travel with us when we were on the go.
Jacques the Peacock

Adan + Anais Muslin Swaddling Blankets - We loved this swaddlers, even though we never swaddled Kate in one. We used it as a car seat cover, as a place to lay her on the ground to play when we were traveling, as a blanket to keep her warm while napping, a nursing cover, an impromptu burp cloth, and now she loves to put them over her head and walk around the house like goof ball! Plus, they are super soft and pretty darling.
Aden + Anais Muslin Swaddling Blankets

Boon Lawn Drying Rack - With all the breast pump parts and bottles we were washing early on, we got a ton of use from our drying rack. The great thing about it is that it works with anything you might want to put on here and isn't tailored to a certain type of bottle. The tree and flower accessory make it east to dry the tiny breast pump membranes and pacis that have to be rinsed  We use it to dry sippy cups and wine glasses now :) 
Boon Lawn Countertop Drying Rack
Tree Accessory |   Flower Accessory 

City Mini GT Stroller - Strollers were the one thing that Adam really got into as far as research goes. We did a lot of back and forth regarding what we needed as a family and considered: size/weight, ease of collapsing and storing the stroller in the truck of our car, the ability to use it with an infant car seat, and durable tires. The City Mini GT fit all those requirements for us and has the most kick-ass sunshade I've ever seen on a stroller!  
 City Mini GT Stroller

Here's Looking at You 2014!

I realized today that it's been just over 100 days our since our loss. It's not that I want to sweep the pain of the miscarriage under the rug per say, but it's time to move onward and upward. I've moved on.

The storm has passed and we've steered our boat to calmer waters. Through it all I've seen how tough I can be, how strong my resolve is and learned some extremely important life lessons. Mainly - how to be happy in a life where you really have zero control over what happens next; how to be happy in a life that doesn't shape up the way you envisioned it; how to be happy (like truly to your gut happy) after absolutely terrible things happen to you. I know people have discovered these things before I have, but there is no way I could know this kind of happiness unless I had gone through the miscarriage. It's very liberating, knowing that you can survive and even thrive regardless of bad circumstances. 

I'm really quiet excited for what 2014 has in store for me. I don't really do serious resolutions. I like to get a jump on things I want to change rather than wait around for an arbitrary date on the calendar to roll around. However, there are a few things I want to accomplish this year.

1) I want to be become as passionate about saving money as I am about spending it.

I really love to shop and it really doesn't matter what I'm shopping for. I get the a kick out of picking out milk, lipstick, clothes, anything...I'm an equal opportunity purchaser. However, I love the feeling of tucking away money for our future even more. I've never been irresponsible with money, but this year I want to be an A+ saver. I think I'm going to try to do a couple of "no spend" months where we only purchase the absolute necessities and make due without any extras.

2) I want to continue to incorporate enriching and engaging activities with Kate. 

When Kate was born I did so much reading and research regarding early infant milestone, nursing, sleeping, everything really...but, once she hit 1 year I really stopped exploring ways to better my parenting skills. Now, don't get me wrong, my kid is breathing with little to no psychological or physical damage, so I'm pretty much nailing this parenting business, but I'm always interested to read about ways we could be better, or honestly, ways to make our lives easier :) So far, I've been very interested in the Montessori teaching method since Adam's family has used it in the past.

3) Be more organized

Oh man, doesn't everyone say this one every year? Probably because so many of us realize the huge benefits to putting a little effort to keeping our lives organized. We are on the run constantly - like only home 2 of the last 9(!!) weekends. Plus, we are out of our house close to 12 hours a day. It doesn't leave a ton of time to get myself together everyday (it's also my secret to having a very clean house - just never be there). I've started to realize that being unorganized adds way more stress than if I just put up a little effort in the times I'm actually home. This just means actually laying out Kate's clothes every night, staying on top of the laundry and committing to meal planning every Sunday (don't tell me to use a slow cooker unless you know a food that can survive 12+ hours of heat and won't turn to mush). I'm very confindent that I can pull this one of since I've had glimmers of being very organized here and there.

4) ENJOY LIFE!

This is the most fun and most important goal  of them all, don't you think? It all goes by so fast. I just want to soak up every moment and stayed focused on being present and happy.

Mommy Wars

Have you heard of this little thing called 'Mommy Wars?' If not, you're lucky. Let me take a second to give my two cents on the matter here. Along the way I'll sprinkle some  mean-spirited eCards I've seen floating out there on the internet (**I'll insert my foul language warning here**), just as an example of what parents today exposed to in regards to the personal choices they make for their families. These are really charming (typed in sarcasm font).

"Mommy wars" is a media-derived term which pits working mothers against their dreaded foe - the stay-at-home mom. Each side of the supposed war has their opinion on what is best way for a family to function. Each side loves to play in the "pain Olympics" on who has it worse. Is it the poor stay-at-home mom who never gets a break, feels like she is losing her identity, struggles to find time for herself? Or is it the working mom, constantly trying to find balance and time to keep her work life and family life afloat and feeling like she's failing at both? Both sides sound pretty miserable, right?.

First and foremost, let me express my deep gratitude to my friends and family, who are amazing enough to not partake in the petty comparison, judgements, and passive aggressiveness that make up "mommy wars." I'm proud to say that I surround myself with the type of gal who does the best she can for her family, and realizes that all of her mom friends are also doing the best for their family - even if it's very different than the choices she's made.

Nowadays, mommy wars happen over almost every major parenting decision one can make. I've read and heard heated arguments over breast vs. bottle feeding, extended rear facing vs. front facing car seats, baby led weaning vs. purees, and attachment vs. "free range" parenting (just to name a few). You name it and somewhere out there, someone has an opinion that they take as Gospel and expect you to do the same. 

The problem lies in being "too connected" I think. There are so many wonderful aspects of being "plugged in" online. I learned tips and tricks online that made my first year with Kate a hell of a lot easier. However, there is so much information out there regarding pregnancy and parenting (and every other facet of human existence) that you can easily lose your instinct for what works for your family. I also think that this wealth of information is drowning out the best resource of all - those who have come before us within our own family. Moms and dads who came before us have a lot of wisdom to share. What is we couldn't run and consult Dr. Google every time our baby had the sniffles?

 

Don't misunderstand me. There are things every generation did that are better left in the past - I mean, do we really need to go back to letting our children stand on our laps in the front seat of the car while cruising down the highway at 80 MPH? No. But, I think sometimes we should trust our instinct and listen to the voices of those close to us, who love and care for us. Maybe we can all just live and let live when it comes to other people's choices in parenting, ...and heck, really every aspect of life.

Nailed it.

My Loss Story

On September 26, 2013 - 1 year after Kate's original due date - we found out that we had miscarried our baby at 10 weeks 4 days. 

Honestly, I knew the baby was gone before we even went in for the ultrasound, there had been signs all week that the pregnancy might not be viable. But, the moment the tech placed the wand on my stomach, it became a reality. It wasn't my first time at the "rodeo" and I knew what we should be seeing on the screen. All there was was an empty space, literally my worst fear in life projected onto a screen. My heart was broken. Our Easter baby was on longer on his or her way.

This was my third pregnancy; second loss since 2010. I've had more unsuccessful pregnancies than successful ones. Bringing babies into the world isn't easy for me. It's an all out fight.

Now I move forward. 

I'm working on healing emotionally. Concerning myself with taking care of my body and mind. Recovering from the procedure that removed all trace of the pregnancy, since my own body wasn't doing it on it's own. Grappling with the concept of hope and wondering if I'll be able to not only get pregnant again, but enjoy even one second of it without worrying. Carefully "undoing" all of the projected memories and milestones in my head and letting them go - how I would tell people at work, being pregnant at Christmastime, how long my maternity leave would be, spending a majority of that leave with Adam out of school (so fun!). Being frustrated, hell, even out right angry that I wouldn't have 2 kids under 2 years old (this baby would have been 19 months younger than Kate), that was a spacing in age that Adam and I were excited about.

I'm processing all of this while wondering what the implications of carrying around a broken heart have on my husband and daughter and friends and family. Trying to be strong for them, without denying myself a chance to recover from facing this nightmare.

The upshot? 

Everyday gets easier. Taking life day by day and mindfulness saves me constantly. I'm a hell of a lot tougher than I thought I was and I've gained monumental amounts of perspective. Realizing that everyone has something painful they carry reinforces my belief that we need to treat each other gently and kindly. I've got so much gratitude for the blessings in my life. I have a beautiful daughter and I know that I don't really need one more good thing to ever happen to me again because of her - she is enough. 

This is just another beginning and I'm looking forward to what the future holds for me. We will, of course, try to get pregnant again and I hope to bring another little soul into the world someday soon. I've got some work ahead of me to heal, but I'm ready to tackle it head on.

This fight and this story isn't over.

Kate turns 1!

A few weeks ago we gathered family and close friends to our house to celebrate Kate's 1st birthday. It was a lovely day and I was so touched by the love and support that everyone showed us on her big day!

So, we journey into toddlerhood. The first year was amazing, and amazingly challenging to say the least. Kate's been the greatest gift and I can't wait to see what the future holds.

Here are just a few of the pictures from the day!

Oh yeah! Kate's 1st year stats are as follows:

20lb. 10oz. (50%) & 30in. long (75%)

Loves:

Talking and babbling

Walking with toys in her hands

Stuffed bunnies

Any and all fruit

Other kids

Singing ABCs

Climbing up and down stairs (anything really)

Why I'll Alway Find Out the Sex of my Babies

Today I was commenting on a thread on Facebook regarding waiting to find out about the sex of a baby before he/she is born. It really got me thinking about my experience about finding out that Kate was a girl at the 20 week anatomy scan and whether or not we would ever decide to go "Team Green" (as they call people who wait to find out the sex of their baby at birth).

First of all, I want to state for the record that I, personally, do not care how people decide to find out, nor am I trying to make a push for people to find out, like Adam and I did, at 20 weeks. Both ways are awesome, both ways have their pros and cons, I'm a live and let live kinda gal!

The big day came for the anatomy scan. Let me tell you, this whole discussion is really a moot point when you consider what you are seeing and finding out at the anatomy scan. An anatomy scan is just that - scanning your baby's anatomy to make sure they are growing properly and that major organs are where they should be and functioning properly. That was the main concern on my mind that day and we were so so grateful to know we had a healthy babe. I should also mention here that Adam and I honestly did not care what we had. We were equally on the fence about having a boy or a girl and truly didn't hold any bias and had no "feeling" either way (although boy was tossed around a lot by others).

 It was actually quite funny because the ultrasound tech sprung the news on us without any warning toward the end of our appointment. It went something like this, "so the brain and heart look great, everything is growing as it shouldandyou'rehavingagirl." Seriously, that fast at the end...she just flew by it. Adam and I both teared up immediately looking at our baby girl on the screen. And then it hit me. 

The first words out of my mouth were, like a weird half apology to Adam. I starting asking him (multiple times) if he was okay and if he was really excited about it being a girl. Of course, he reassured me that he was so excited, but I wasn't convinced. I felt weird. I should be over the moon, but I wasn't. 

We finished up the appointment and made our way to the store to pick out our daughter's take home outfit which she would wear when we left the hospital (a new tradition that we will do with every kid we have).  We went to Carter's, where the store is split down the middle and the girls stuff is on one side, and the boys stuff is on the other. As we shopped, I couldn't help but glance over at the boys section and wonder what it would be like to be standing over there. What if we were having a son instead of a daughter? So, I walked over and stood amongst the blue, green and grey cloths and peered over to the girls section. That's when it hit me. If I was over here, knowing we were expecting a boy, peering over at all the girls cloths, I'd feel the exact. same. way. 

It wasn't about not having a boy. It wasn't being disappointed in finding out we were having a daughter. It was, in a sense, mourning the loss of one of the two images I've been holding in my head for 20+ weeks. Everyday I'd rub my belly and think about my son or my daughter. We'd planned and talked about the future regarding our son or daughter. I had two cute little images, two names, two babies in my head and heart. I had been nurturing a son and daughter this whole time. Now, one of them was just....gone. 

This realization actually was a huge relief to me. It took both Adam and I a couple more hours to really sink into being excited about a girl, but after that we were more than enthusiastic! I was at peace with our choice to find out and later, I was glad that through the intensity of labor I could focus on my baby knowing my daughter was making her way into this world...I loved having that connection with her. I guess part of me is just frightened that I might experience those emotions on the day my child is born.

So that's that. One gal's perspective on being Team Green/Blue/Pink and on one of the most fun parts of pregnancy!

The Art of Motherhood

 "It is better to bend than break"

Amen to that. 

For the nine months leading up to Kate's birth and in the months that have followed, I've tried to place a finger on what kind of mom I would be. What style would I adopt, that could be easily summed up in a few words, to perfectly describe my child rearing philosophies? The more research I did the more I determined how I wanted things to go. I started to construct a very precise vision of how I thought Adam and I should raise our daughter and it went something like this: I wanted to be a medicine and intervention free birthing/exclusive breastfeeding/cloth diapering/baby led weaning/kiddo wearing/co-sleeping/attachment parenting practicing mom. Some might call it "crunchy parenting." You know? Like granola...yum :) These were the things I deemed most important to me when it came to bringing this child into the world and by george, these things we would follow to a T! Do you see where I'm going with this?

Honestly, of all the items I've listed above, I've only practiced some of them some of the time. I won't get into details of why each one was either tossed by the wayside or abandoned in the midst of our busy nearly impossible schedule, but they all had one thing in common - they did not work for my family. End of story. I am disappointed that some of these parenting philosophies didn't work for me. I really am. When some aspect of parenting goes south, I typically flip flop between feeling like a total failure and just not giving a crap anymore...seriously, just prop Kate in front of the TV with some Cheetos and a Diet RC, I'm out! I don't do that though, and really it's not like me to want to toss in the towel and just give up on something, but slowly I'm learning that when raising a child, there are somethings you can't force. 

 

It's amazing what life can show when you look for the positive in things that have turned sour, it's  like the old saying goes, "it is better to bend than break." I've discovered along this crazy parenthood journey that bending is survival. Bending is sanity. Bending is growing and learning to be a better, calmer person. And frankly? Breaking isn't an option. 

So, when this "crunchy mama" wannabe is adamant that co-sleeping is the way to go, no questions asked and my girl throws me for a loop by sleeping soundly through the night, night after night, in her own crib? Bend. When my husband and I have completely drag down, knock out civil conversations about the pros and cons of baby led weaning and I can tell he is scared and uncomfortable with a major (to us at least) decision about our child's health and safety? Bend. When you're child is not gaining any weight after weeks and weeks and weeks of exclusively breastfeeding? Bend (and cry and pout for a bit, too).

And in the end, this is exactly what I wish for Kate to learn from us. How to live easy, and accept change gracefully, and to be happy with your circumstances, even when they aren't in your control. These are the important things I want to share with my child, more than any of the things I wished for above.

 

Oh, andplusalso? We NAILED the baby wearing...so there's that :)