A few weeks ago we gathered family and close friends to our house to celebrate Kate's 1st birthday. It was a lovely day and I was so touched by the love and support that everyone showed us on her big day!
So, we journey into toddlerhood. The first year was amazing, and amazingly challenging to say the least. Kate's been the greatest gift and I can't wait to see what the future holds.
Today I was commenting on a thread on Facebook regarding waiting to find out about the sex of a baby before he/she is born. It really got me thinking about my experience about finding out that Kate was a girl at the 20 week anatomy scan and whether or not we would ever decide to go "Team Green" (as they call people who wait to find out the sex of their baby at birth).
First of all, I want to state for the record that I, personally, do not care how people decide to find out, nor am I trying to make a push for people to find out, like Adam and I did, at 20 weeks. Both ways are awesome, both ways have their pros and cons, I'm a live and let live kinda gal!
The big day came for the anatomy scan. Let me tell you, this whole discussion is really a moot point when you consider what you are seeing and finding out at the anatomy scan. An anatomy scan is just that - scanning your baby's anatomy to make sure they are growing properly and that major organs are where they should be and functioning properly. That was the main concern on my mind that day and we were so so grateful to know we had a healthy babe. I
should also mention here that Adam and I honestly did not care what we had.
We were equally on the fence about having a boy or a girl and truly
didn't hold any bias and had no "feeling" either way (although boy was tossed around a lot by others).
It was actually quite funny because the ultrasound tech sprung the news on us without any warning toward the end of our appointment. It went something like this, "so the brain and heart look great, everything is growing as it shouldandyou'rehavingagirl." Seriously, that fast at the end...she just flew by it. Adam and I both teared up immediately looking at our baby girl on the screen. And then it hit me.
The first words out of my mouth were, like a weird half apology to Adam. I starting asking him (multiple times) if he was okay and if he was really excited about it being a girl. Of course, he reassured me that he was so excited, but I wasn't convinced. I felt weird. I should be over the moon, but I wasn't.
We finished up the appointment and made our way to the store to pick out our daughter's take home outfit which she would wear when we left the hospital (a new tradition that we will do with every kid we have). We went to Carter's, where the store is split down the middle and the girls stuff is on one side, and the boys stuff is on the other. As we shopped, I couldn't help but glance over at the boys section and wonder what it would be like to be standing over there. What if we were having a son instead of a daughter? So, I walked over and stood amongst the blue, green and grey cloths and peered over to the girls section. That's when it hit me. If I was over here, knowing we were expecting a boy, peering over at all the girls cloths, I'd feel the exact. same. way.
It wasn't about not having a boy. It wasn't being disappointed in finding out we were having a daughter. It was, in a sense, mourning the loss of one of the two images I've been holding in my head for 20+ weeks. Everyday I'd rub my belly and think about my son or my daughter. We'd planned and talked about the future regarding our son or daughter. I had two cute little images, two names, two babies in my head and heart. I had been nurturing a son and daughter this whole time. Now, one of them was just....gone.
This realization actually was a huge relief to me. It took both Adam and I a couple more hours to really sink into being excited about a girl, but after that we were more than enthusiastic! I was at peace with our choice to find out and later, I was glad that through the intensity of labor I could focus on my baby knowing my daughter was making her way into this world...I loved having that connection with her. I guess part of me is just frightened that I might experience those emotions on the day my child is born.
So that's that. One gal's perspective on being Team Green/Blue/Pink and on one of the most fun parts of pregnancy!
For the nine months leading up to Kate's birth and in the months that have followed, I've tried to place a finger on what kind of mom I would be. What style would I adopt, that could be easily summed up in a few words, to perfectly describe my child rearing philosophies? The more research I did the more I determined how I wanted things to go. I started to construct a very precise vision of how I thought Adam and I should raise our daughter and it went something like this: I wanted to be a medicine and intervention free birthing/exclusive breastfeeding/cloth diapering/baby led weaning/kiddo wearing/co-sleeping/attachment parenting practicing mom. Some might call it "crunchy parenting." You know? Like granola...yum :) These were the things I deemed most important to me when it came to bringing this child into the world and by george, these things we would follow to a T! Do you see where I'm going with this?
Honestly, of all the items I've listed above, I've only practiced some of them some of the time. I won't get into details of why each one was either tossed by the wayside or abandoned in the midst of our busy nearly impossible schedule, but they all had one thing in common - they did not work for my family. End of story. I am disappointed that some of these parenting philosophies didn't work for me. I really am. When some aspect of parenting goes south, I typically flip flop between feeling like a total failure and just not giving a crap anymore...seriously, just prop Kate in front of the TV with some Cheetos and a Diet RC, I'm out! I don't do that though, and really it's not like me to want to toss in the towel and just give up on something, but slowly I'm learning that when raising a child, there are somethings you can't force.
It's amazing what life can show when you look for the positive in things that have turned sour, it's like the old saying goes, "it is better to bend than break."
I've discovered along this crazy parenthood journey that bending is
survival. Bending is sanity. Bending is growing and learning to be a
better, calmer person. And frankly? Breaking isn't an option.
So, when this "crunchy mama" wannabe is adamant that co-sleeping is the way to go, no questions asked and my girl throws me for a loop by sleeping soundly through the night, night after night, in her own crib? Bend. When my husband and I have completely drag down, knock out civil conversations about the pros and cons of baby led weaning and I can tell he is scared and uncomfortable with a major (to us at least) decision about our child's health and safety? Bend.When you're child is not gaining any weight after weeks and weeks and weeks of exclusively breastfeeding? Bend (and cry and pout for a bit, too).
And in the end, this is exactly what I wish for Kate to learn from us. How to live easy, and accept change gracefully, and to be happy with your circumstances, even when they aren't in your control. These are the important things I want to share with my child, more than any of the things I wished for above.
Oh, andplusalso? We NAILED the baby wearing...so there's that :)
Well, I've been M.I.A. lately. Frankly, I just didn't feel like I had much to say.
I've been focusing in on the those ideas I listed a while back on my "personal constitution" and just maintaining a semi sense of sanity at our house. I feel like I keep waiting and waiting to get into a really regular routine with Adam and Kate, but alas...our life just isn't built for that. We like to take on spur of the moment visitors and attend events at the last possible moment. It's fun and it keeps us on our toes, but it sure doesn't lend itself to regularity. Those people that claim, "I always do grocery shopping on Tuesdays at 3:45pm" or "Sunday afternoons are when I clean my house" How?! How, I wonder do you manage to always be there at the same time every week! I'm equal parts envious and grateful that I don't feel the need for such rigid structure in my life. Sometimes I'm kicking myself that I (yet again) didn't get out from under that pile of laundry that I say I'm going to do that evening, but I love watching Adam play volleyball on a Wednesday or spending the day with family on Sunday afternoon. It can be stressful, but at the same time I'm so glad to be able to teach Kate to go with the flow...
I have a 7 month old now. At this point, she's practically closer to 8 months. Here are the highlights:
Likes:
Trying to clap her hands
Successfully waving "hi"
Exploring new foods and tastes
Playing with the handles on our coffee table
Chewing on nylon straps...and since all baby gear has safety straps nowadays this happens a lot
Dislikes:
Being unable to crawl easily...or go from lying down to sitting
So, my goal for this week? Set goals...No seriously, I've come to the conclusion that I need to draft a "life constitution" for myself. I think this has been a long time coming since going back to work after my maternity leave.
that was then...
After I had Kate, my goals boiled down to one thing: provide for this child. Of course, there were several facets of this goal like, maintain breastfeeding for as long as possible, make sure she had plenty of tummy time, try to establish healthy sleep habits, etc...but, they all fell underneath that umbrella of providing for Kate. Other things went by the wayside during that time...and I'll admit it was really difficult to see that happen. I wasn't necessarily the momma who abandoned all other duties to completely immerse myself in to the new role of motherhood. I longed to have my life revolve around more than just this little person. I longed so much for it, in fact, that it caused some deeper issues that may have bordered on post partum depression and anxiety. That is a topic I will hit in the near future, by the way, just not today.
...this is now!
Well, fast forward 6 months and here we are. Kate's doing fabulously. She's growing up healthy and happy in what I like to call our "real life" (aka: full time working momma and daddy, baby going to daycare 5 days a week, 9 hours a day) and not the limbo of maternity leave where my focus was set on one thing.
So, you know what that means? It means I'm reintroducing important (and not-so-important) aspects of my life that were essentially shelved for a few months while we adjusted to our new bundle of awesomeness. My career, relationship with Adam (outside of caring for Kate), fitness/exercise, reading/learning/culture, and friends and family are starting to seep back into my peripheral vision...Kate and Adam are, of course, still in the forefront.
Yes, I can't wait to get back to more of this...
and some of this...
way more of this!
and even a dash of this! (whatever this is, it looks like fun!)
While I'm excited to move forward and start folding back into a more normal pace of living, I want to make sure that I lay the groundwork for an amazingly happy, healthy and productive life. It's quite a unique opportunity if you think about it. A cleaning of the slate. A reset, if you will, of my life. There was life before Kate and then a hard line was drawn and I get to choose what happens on the other side of that line...it's easy when you have solid definition like that and I want to seize the chance to make good of it!
One the flip side, however, I know I can't do it all. I need to examine what's important to me and to my family and focus on those things. There is a saying that I love so much, "I can do anything, just not all at once". So, so true. Here it is, I've started to just jot down the things that matter to me the most:
__________________________
1) Family/Friends – What defines being the best mom/wife/daughter/in-law/friend you can be?
2) Food/Fitness – Lead my family into a healthy, happy life by taking care of myself first and foremost (“oxygen mask” theory), maintaining a standard of healthful eating, ensuring our family take opportunities to get outdoors and be active as a regular part of our routein
3) Home/Atmosphere – Provide an open and warm home, keep things clean and organized, decorate and make holidays special and memorable, include and incorporate eco-friendly aspects through cleaning, purchasing furniture, upcycling/recycling...whenever possible and continually building on this goal.
(this seems like a weird one to place so much importance on, but having a functional home is key to my mental stability, it's my recharge zone..and when it's in disarray, so am I)
4) Culture – Strive to continue to immerse our family in quality entertainment and culture. Stay away from “mind numbing” media, explore and incorporate educational media whenever possible….unplug more.
5) Community – Take time to participate in the community by volunteering time and energy…helping others through service.
______________________________________
This isn't all of it and what's there is really, really rough. I need to expand and add some new ideas, and I haven't even touched on some biggies like spirituality and career, but it's a start. I hope that this "personal constitution" will help give me guidance to live the best, fullest life possible by reminding me what I'm here for and what goals I would like to accomplish in the near and distant future.
Have you ever put something like this together either professionally or personally? If you have, how did it look in the end and do you still follow it?
...and now on a lighter note: a little music Monday for you :) Spring is right around the corner, or at least it better be! Adam and I always compartmentilize music into seasons cuz we're crazy like that! You know, for us Bob Marley just doesn't cut it during Thanksgiving! So, I've decided to pull out some of the peppier, sunnier music in anticipation of the weather warming up. Hope you enjoy!
With spring and summer right around the corner I decided to go shopping for the little girl. Yikes.
I hope Adam isn't reading this!
There were some awesome deals out there (specifically Target and Old Nay and Gap). I scooped a variety of things for Kate, not only for warmer weather, but also this coming fall and winter....
I bought this jacket in 2 different sizes on clearance (my new favorite word...clearance).
How cute are these for next Christmas?!
We already have these pants from Old Navy and I love them so much I got them in the next size up...I'm seriously thinking about getting them in every size left that's larger than what I have now...
I also got a pair of these shorts in regular demin too...I can't wait for the weather to match these clothes :)
My final purchase I'm most excited about? This!
Of course, it says Kate instead of Quinn, but since that's Kate's middle name I took it as a good sign :)
Now the only left to purchase is an Easter dress...and I need to pull the trigger on that ASAP, it's right around the corner!
I never thought in a million years I would type what I'm about to type: I'm loving this time of year. The late winter, almost spring time when everything is dreary and grey. Traditionally, this time of year makes me cringe. Sure, there's Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day and March madness and all...but you can't really get out and do anything substantial (unless you have a freak year when it's averaging 70 degrees like last year).
Winter Wonderland...and construction zone.
This year, it's all changed. Instead of the weather being miserable and bleak, it's cozy. I find myself up early on weekend mornings with a warm cup of coffee watching my daughter quietly play with her toys instead of trying to fly through a long list of chores and activities that must be done. We snuggle up on the couch and read books and roll around on the ground playing for most of the morning. This calm, peacefulness is such a welcome change.
I really can't believe I've never noticed the silver lining to this time of year before. I really enjoy the changing seasons in the Midwest. They are usually so dramatically different from one another; each unique and fun in there own way. Somehow, I've always written this part of the winter off. It's peaceful, slow, calm...I feel like it's a time to reflect on how the year has been going so far and where I want it to go in the future. Why the change of heart? I, of course, want to attribute it to baby Kate and to motherhood. So much of me has changed, I shouldn't be surprised at all. Just one more pleasant surprise that being a mom has brought me.
And guess what else has been happening around our house? This!....
Seriously...she threw that dish like a discus right after this picture was snapped...avocado everywhere!
We've been noticing Kate's increasing interest in watching us eat and grabbing for food on our plates (not that I think she knows it's food...she grabs for everything, of course). We've tried spoon feeding her some baby oatmeal a couple times and last night we moved forward with some avocado smushed up with a little formula. Needless to say she's not a huge fan of being spoon fed. She makes a "yucky" face every time the spoon goes in! So, I decided to just let her play with bigger chunks of avocado and she loved tolerated it. I picked a book called, 'Baby Led Weaning' to help up transition from the all milk diet to "some solids whenever she seems interested" diet.
See mom, I can do this by myself.
Baby led weaning is essentially letting a child, around 6 months in age, begin to explore and try foods by feeding themselves. They are given appropriately sized and cooked foods that they can pick up with their fingers and eat. This means no baby cereal or purees or spoon feeding - at all...like, ever! I don't think that I will be following the Baby Led Weaning book to a tee, but I like the idea of letting a child explore and make food choices on their own. There are so many issues with food and our relationship with food in this country, I just want to make sure we get off on a great start. Plus, it's been shown that kids that are allowed to handle and eat their own foods from the very beginning can be more adventurous, less picky eaters. Here's hoping!
