Mommy Wars

Have you heard of this little thing called 'Mommy Wars?' If not, you're lucky. Let me take a second to give my two cents on the matter here. Along the way I'll sprinkle some  mean-spirited eCards I've seen floating out there on the internet (**I'll insert my foul language warning here**), just as an example of what parents today exposed to in regards to the personal choices they make for their families. These are really charming (typed in sarcasm font).

"Mommy wars" is a media-derived term which pits working mothers against their dreaded foe - the stay-at-home mom. Each side of the supposed war has their opinion on what is best way for a family to function. Each side loves to play in the "pain Olympics" on who has it worse. Is it the poor stay-at-home mom who never gets a break, feels like she is losing her identity, struggles to find time for herself? Or is it the working mom, constantly trying to find balance and time to keep her work life and family life afloat and feeling like she's failing at both? Both sides sound pretty miserable, right?.

First and foremost, let me express my deep gratitude to my friends and family, who are amazing enough to not partake in the petty comparison, judgements, and passive aggressiveness that make up "mommy wars." I'm proud to say that I surround myself with the type of gal who does the best she can for her family, and realizes that all of her mom friends are also doing the best for their family - even if it's very different than the choices she's made.

Nowadays, mommy wars happen over almost every major parenting decision one can make. I've read and heard heated arguments over breast vs. bottle feeding, extended rear facing vs. front facing car seats, baby led weaning vs. purees, and attachment vs. "free range" parenting (just to name a few). You name it and somewhere out there, someone has an opinion that they take as Gospel and expect you to do the same. 

The problem lies in being "too connected" I think. There are so many wonderful aspects of being "plugged in" online. I learned tips and tricks online that made my first year with Kate a hell of a lot easier. However, there is so much information out there regarding pregnancy and parenting (and every other facet of human existence) that you can easily lose your instinct for what works for your family. I also think that this wealth of information is drowning out the best resource of all - those who have come before us within our own family. Moms and dads who came before us have a lot of wisdom to share. What is we couldn't run and consult Dr. Google every time our baby had the sniffles?

 

Don't misunderstand me. There are things every generation did that are better left in the past - I mean, do we really need to go back to letting our children stand on our laps in the front seat of the car while cruising down the highway at 80 MPH? No. But, I think sometimes we should trust our instinct and listen to the voices of those close to us, who love and care for us. Maybe we can all just live and let live when it comes to other people's choices in parenting, ...and heck, really every aspect of life.

Nailed it.

My Loss Story

On September 26, 2013 - 1 year after Kate's original due date - we found out that we had miscarried our baby at 10 weeks 4 days. 

Honestly, I knew the baby was gone before we even went in for the ultrasound, there had been signs all week that the pregnancy might not be viable. But, the moment the tech placed the wand on my stomach, it became a reality. It wasn't my first time at the "rodeo" and I knew what we should be seeing on the screen. All there was was an empty space, literally my worst fear in life projected onto a screen. My heart was broken. Our Easter baby was on longer on his or her way.

This was my third pregnancy; second loss since 2010. I've had more unsuccessful pregnancies than successful ones. Bringing babies into the world isn't easy for me. It's an all out fight.

Now I move forward. 

I'm working on healing emotionally. Concerning myself with taking care of my body and mind. Recovering from the procedure that removed all trace of the pregnancy, since my own body wasn't doing it on it's own. Grappling with the concept of hope and wondering if I'll be able to not only get pregnant again, but enjoy even one second of it without worrying. Carefully "undoing" all of the projected memories and milestones in my head and letting them go - how I would tell people at work, being pregnant at Christmastime, how long my maternity leave would be, spending a majority of that leave with Adam out of school (so fun!). Being frustrated, hell, even out right angry that I wouldn't have 2 kids under 2 years old (this baby would have been 19 months younger than Kate), that was a spacing in age that Adam and I were excited about.

I'm processing all of this while wondering what the implications of carrying around a broken heart have on my husband and daughter and friends and family. Trying to be strong for them, without denying myself a chance to recover from facing this nightmare.

The upshot? 

Everyday gets easier. Taking life day by day and mindfulness saves me constantly. I'm a hell of a lot tougher than I thought I was and I've gained monumental amounts of perspective. Realizing that everyone has something painful they carry reinforces my belief that we need to treat each other gently and kindly. I've got so much gratitude for the blessings in my life. I have a beautiful daughter and I know that I don't really need one more good thing to ever happen to me again because of her - she is enough. 

This is just another beginning and I'm looking forward to what the future holds for me. We will, of course, try to get pregnant again and I hope to bring another little soul into the world someday soon. I've got some work ahead of me to heal, but I'm ready to tackle it head on.

This fight and this story isn't over.

Kate turns 1!

A few weeks ago we gathered family and close friends to our house to celebrate Kate's 1st birthday. It was a lovely day and I was so touched by the love and support that everyone showed us on her big day!

So, we journey into toddlerhood. The first year was amazing, and amazingly challenging to say the least. Kate's been the greatest gift and I can't wait to see what the future holds.

Here are just a few of the pictures from the day!

Oh yeah! Kate's 1st year stats are as follows:

20lb. 10oz. (50%) & 30in. long (75%)

Loves:

Talking and babbling

Walking with toys in her hands

Stuffed bunnies

Any and all fruit

Other kids

Singing ABCs

Climbing up and down stairs (anything really)

Why I'll Alway Find Out the Sex of my Babies

Today I was commenting on a thread on Facebook regarding waiting to find out about the sex of a baby before he/she is born. It really got me thinking about my experience about finding out that Kate was a girl at the 20 week anatomy scan and whether or not we would ever decide to go "Team Green" (as they call people who wait to find out the sex of their baby at birth).

First of all, I want to state for the record that I, personally, do not care how people decide to find out, nor am I trying to make a push for people to find out, like Adam and I did, at 20 weeks. Both ways are awesome, both ways have their pros and cons, I'm a live and let live kinda gal!

The big day came for the anatomy scan. Let me tell you, this whole discussion is really a moot point when you consider what you are seeing and finding out at the anatomy scan. An anatomy scan is just that - scanning your baby's anatomy to make sure they are growing properly and that major organs are where they should be and functioning properly. That was the main concern on my mind that day and we were so so grateful to know we had a healthy babe. I should also mention here that Adam and I honestly did not care what we had. We were equally on the fence about having a boy or a girl and truly didn't hold any bias and had no "feeling" either way (although boy was tossed around a lot by others).

 It was actually quite funny because the ultrasound tech sprung the news on us without any warning toward the end of our appointment. It went something like this, "so the brain and heart look great, everything is growing as it shouldandyou'rehavingagirl." Seriously, that fast at the end...she just flew by it. Adam and I both teared up immediately looking at our baby girl on the screen. And then it hit me. 

The first words out of my mouth were, like a weird half apology to Adam. I starting asking him (multiple times) if he was okay and if he was really excited about it being a girl. Of course, he reassured me that he was so excited, but I wasn't convinced. I felt weird. I should be over the moon, but I wasn't. 

We finished up the appointment and made our way to the store to pick out our daughter's take home outfit which she would wear when we left the hospital (a new tradition that we will do with every kid we have).  We went to Carter's, where the store is split down the middle and the girls stuff is on one side, and the boys stuff is on the other. As we shopped, I couldn't help but glance over at the boys section and wonder what it would be like to be standing over there. What if we were having a son instead of a daughter? So, I walked over and stood amongst the blue, green and grey cloths and peered over to the girls section. That's when it hit me. If I was over here, knowing we were expecting a boy, peering over at all the girls cloths, I'd feel the exact. same. way. 

It wasn't about not having a boy. It wasn't being disappointed in finding out we were having a daughter. It was, in a sense, mourning the loss of one of the two images I've been holding in my head for 20+ weeks. Everyday I'd rub my belly and think about my son or my daughter. We'd planned and talked about the future regarding our son or daughter. I had two cute little images, two names, two babies in my head and heart. I had been nurturing a son and daughter this whole time. Now, one of them was just....gone. 

This realization actually was a huge relief to me. It took both Adam and I a couple more hours to really sink into being excited about a girl, but after that we were more than enthusiastic! I was at peace with our choice to find out and later, I was glad that through the intensity of labor I could focus on my baby knowing my daughter was making her way into this world...I loved having that connection with her. I guess part of me is just frightened that I might experience those emotions on the day my child is born.

So that's that. One gal's perspective on being Team Green/Blue/Pink and on one of the most fun parts of pregnancy!

The Art of Motherhood

 "It is better to bend than break"

Amen to that. 

For the nine months leading up to Kate's birth and in the months that have followed, I've tried to place a finger on what kind of mom I would be. What style would I adopt, that could be easily summed up in a few words, to perfectly describe my child rearing philosophies? The more research I did the more I determined how I wanted things to go. I started to construct a very precise vision of how I thought Adam and I should raise our daughter and it went something like this: I wanted to be a medicine and intervention free birthing/exclusive breastfeeding/cloth diapering/baby led weaning/kiddo wearing/co-sleeping/attachment parenting practicing mom. Some might call it "crunchy parenting." You know? Like granola...yum :) These were the things I deemed most important to me when it came to bringing this child into the world and by george, these things we would follow to a T! Do you see where I'm going with this?

Honestly, of all the items I've listed above, I've only practiced some of them some of the time. I won't get into details of why each one was either tossed by the wayside or abandoned in the midst of our busy nearly impossible schedule, but they all had one thing in common - they did not work for my family. End of story. I am disappointed that some of these parenting philosophies didn't work for me. I really am. When some aspect of parenting goes south, I typically flip flop between feeling like a total failure and just not giving a crap anymore...seriously, just prop Kate in front of the TV with some Cheetos and a Diet RC, I'm out! I don't do that though, and really it's not like me to want to toss in the towel and just give up on something, but slowly I'm learning that when raising a child, there are somethings you can't force. 

 

It's amazing what life can show when you look for the positive in things that have turned sour, it's  like the old saying goes, "it is better to bend than break." I've discovered along this crazy parenthood journey that bending is survival. Bending is sanity. Bending is growing and learning to be a better, calmer person. And frankly? Breaking isn't an option. 

So, when this "crunchy mama" wannabe is adamant that co-sleeping is the way to go, no questions asked and my girl throws me for a loop by sleeping soundly through the night, night after night, in her own crib? Bend. When my husband and I have completely drag down, knock out civil conversations about the pros and cons of baby led weaning and I can tell he is scared and uncomfortable with a major (to us at least) decision about our child's health and safety? Bend. When you're child is not gaining any weight after weeks and weeks and weeks of exclusively breastfeeding? Bend (and cry and pout for a bit, too).

And in the end, this is exactly what I wish for Kate to learn from us. How to live easy, and accept change gracefully, and to be happy with your circumstances, even when they aren't in your control. These are the important things I want to share with my child, more than any of the things I wished for above.

 

Oh, andplusalso? We NAILED the baby wearing...so there's that :)

7 Months and Current Goings-On

Well, I've been M.I.A. lately. Frankly, I just didn't feel like I had much to say.

I've been focusing in on the those ideas I listed a while back on my "personal constitution" and just maintaining a semi sense of sanity at our house. I feel like I keep waiting and waiting to get into a really regular routine with Adam and Kate, but alas...our life just isn't built for that. We like to take on spur of the moment visitors and attend events at the last possible moment. It's fun and it keeps us on our toes, but it sure doesn't lend itself to regularity. Those people that claim, "I always do grocery shopping on Tuesdays at 3:45pm" or "Sunday afternoons are when I clean my house" How?! How, I wonder do you manage to always be there at the same time every week! I'm equal parts envious and grateful that I don't feel the need for such rigid structure in my life. Sometimes I'm kicking myself that I (yet again) didn't get out from under that pile of laundry that I say I'm going to do that evening, but I love watching Adam play volleyball on a Wednesday or spending the day with family on Sunday afternoon. It can be stressful, but at the same time I'm so glad to be able to teach Kate to go with the flow...

I have a 7 month old now. At this point, she's practically closer to 8 months. Here are the highlights:

Likes:

Trying to clap her hands

Successfully waving "hi"

Exploring new foods and tastes

Playing with the handles on our coffee table

Chewing on nylon straps...and since all baby gear has safety straps nowadays this happens a lot

Dislikes:

Being unable to crawl easily...or go from lying down to sitting

Having anything taken away from her

That's about it...she's a pretty happy girl :)

Setting Goals Post-Baby

So, my goal for this week? Set goals...No seriously, I've come to the conclusion that I need to draft a "life constitution" for myself. I think this has been a long time coming since going back to work after my maternity leave.

that was then...

After I had Kate, my goals boiled down to one thing: provide for this child. Of course, there were several facets of this goal like, maintain breastfeeding for as long as possible, make sure she had plenty of tummy time, try to establish healthy sleep habits, etc...but, they all fell underneath that umbrella of providing for Kate. Other things went by the wayside during that time...and I'll admit it was really difficult to see that happen. I wasn't necessarily the momma who abandoned all other duties to completely immerse myself in to the new role of motherhood. I longed to have my life revolve around more than just this little person. I longed so much for it, in fact, that it caused some deeper issues that may have bordered on post partum depression and anxiety. That is a topic I will hit in the near future, by the way, just not today.



...this is now!

Well, fast forward 6 months and here we are. Kate's doing fabulously. She's growing up healthy and happy in what I like to call our "real life" (aka: full time working momma and daddy, baby going to daycare 5 days a week, 9 hours a day) and not the limbo of maternity leave where my focus was set on one thing.

So, you know what that means? It means I'm reintroducing important (and not-so-important) aspects of my life that were essentially shelved for a few months while we adjusted to our new bundle of awesomeness. My career, relationship with Adam (outside of caring for Kate), fitness/exercise, reading/learning/culture, and friends and family are starting to seep back into my peripheral vision...Kate and Adam are, of course, still in the forefront.

Yes, I can't wait to get back to more of this...

and some of this...



way more of this!

and even a dash of this! (whatever this is, it looks like fun!)

While I'm excited to move forward and start folding back into a more normal pace of living, I want to make sure that I lay the groundwork for an amazingly happy, healthy and productive life. It's quite a unique opportunity if you think about it. A cleaning of the slate. A reset, if you will, of my life. There was life before Kate and then a hard line was drawn and I get to choose what happens on the other side of that line...it's easy when you have solid definition like that and I want to seize the chance to make good of it!



One the flip side, however, I know I can't do it all. I need to examine what's important to me and to my family and focus on those things. There is a saying that I love so much, "I can do anything, just not all at once". So, so true. Here it is, I've started to just jot down the things that matter to me the most:

__________________________

1) Family/Friends – What defines being the best mom/wife/daughter/in-law/friend you can be?

2) Food/Fitness – Lead my family into a healthy, happy life by taking care of myself first and foremost (“oxygen mask” theory), maintaining a standard of healthful eating, ensuring our family take opportunities to get outdoors and be active as a regular part of our routein

3) Home/Atmosphere – Provide an open and warm home, keep things clean and organized, decorate and make holidays special and memorable, include and incorporate eco-friendly aspects through cleaning, purchasing furniture, upcycling/recycling...whenever possible and continually building on this goal.

 (this seems like a weird one to place so much importance on, but having a functional home is key to my mental stability, it's my recharge zone..and when it's in disarray, so am I)

4) Culture – Strive to continue to immerse our family in quality entertainment and culture. Stay away from “mind numbing” media, explore and incorporate educational media whenever possible….unplug more.



5) Community – Take time to participate in the community by volunteering time and energy…helping others through service.

______________________________________

This isn't all of it and what's there is really, really rough. I need to expand and add some new ideas, and I haven't even touched on some biggies like spirituality and career, but it's a start. I hope that this "personal constitution" will help give me guidance to live the best, fullest life possible by reminding me what I'm here for and what goals I would like to accomplish in the near and distant future.

Have you ever put something like this together either professionally or personally? If you have, how did it look in the end and do you still follow it?

...and now on a lighter note: a little music Monday for you :) Spring is right around the corner, or at least it better be! Adam and I always compartmentilize music into seasons cuz we're crazy like that! You know, for us Bob Marley just doesn't cut it during Thanksgiving! So, I've decided to pull out some of the peppier, sunnier music in anticipation of the weather warming up. Hope you enjoy!

 

Gearing Up!

With spring and summer right around the corner I decided to go shopping for the little girl. Yikes.

I hope Adam isn't reading this!

There were some awesome deals out there (specifically Target and Old Nay and Gap). I scooped a variety of things for Kate, not only for warmer weather, but also this coming fall and winter....



I bought this jacket in 2 different sizes on clearance (my new favorite word...clearance).





How cute are these for next Christmas?!



We already have these pants from Old Navy and I love them so much I got them in the next size up...I'm seriously thinking about getting them in every size left that's larger than what I have now...

I also got a pair of these shorts in regular demin too...I can't wait for the weather to match these clothes :)



My final purchase I'm most excited about? This!

Of course, it says Kate instead of Quinn, but since that's Kate's middle name I took it as a good sign :)

Now the only left to purchase is an Easter dress...and I need to pull the trigger on that ASAP, it's right around the corner!



Philosophies on winter and the beginning of a new phase

I never thought in a million years I would type what I'm about to type: I'm loving this time of year. The late  winter, almost spring time when everything is dreary and grey. Traditionally, this time of year makes me cringe. Sure, there's Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day and March madness and all...but you can't really get out and do anything substantial (unless you have a freak year when it's averaging 70 degrees like last year).


Winter Wonderland...and construction zone.

This year, it's all changed. Instead of the weather being miserable and bleak, it's cozy. I find myself up early on weekend mornings with a warm cup of coffee watching my daughter quietly play with her toys instead of trying to fly through a long list of chores and activities that must be done. We snuggle up on the couch and read books and roll around on the ground playing for most of the morning. This calm, peacefulness is such a welcome change.

I really can't believe I've never noticed the silver lining to this time of year before. I really enjoy the changing seasons in the Midwest. They are usually so dramatically different from one another; each unique and fun in there own way. Somehow, I've always written this part of the winter off. It's peaceful, slow, calm...I feel like it's a time to reflect on how the year has been going so far and where I want it to go in the future. Why the change of heart? I, of course, want to attribute it to baby Kate and to motherhood. So much of me has changed, I shouldn't be surprised at all. Just one more pleasant surprise that being a mom has brought me.

And guess what else has been happening around our house? This!....



Seriously...she threw that dish like a discus right after this picture was snapped...avocado everywhere!



We've been noticing Kate's increasing interest in watching us eat and grabbing for food on our plates (not that I think she knows it's food...she grabs for everything, of course). We've tried spoon feeding her some baby oatmeal a couple times and last night we moved forward with some avocado smushed up with a little formula. Needless to say she's not a huge fan of being spoon fed. She makes a "yucky" face every time the spoon goes in! So, I decided to just let her play with bigger chunks of avocado and she loved tolerated it. I picked a book called, 'Baby Led Weaning' to help up transition from the all milk diet to "some solids whenever she seems interested" diet.

See mom, I can do this by myself.

 Baby led weaning is essentially letting a child, around 6 months in age, begin to explore and try foods by feeding themselves. They are given appropriately sized and cooked foods that they can pick up with their fingers and eat. This means no baby cereal or purees or spoon feeding - at all...like, ever! I don't think that I will be following the Baby Led Weaning book to a tee, but I like the idea of letting a child explore and make food choices on their own. There are so many issues with food and our relationship with food in this country, I just want to make sure we get off on a great start. Plus, it's been shown that kids that are allowed to handle and eat their own foods from the very beginning can be more adventurous, less picky eaters. Here's hoping!

Kate's Story

Warning: This is a long one!

  My purpose for this post wasn’t to focus purely on the physical happenings of Kate’s birth, but on how I felt and the emotions tied to that important day (i.e. I didn’t go into awkward details or gory stuff, so have no fear!) and although this is ultimately for me and Adam to document this amazing transition in our lives, I hope you enjoy it too!

________________________________________

I want to put Kate's birth story in writing before I start to lose the memories and details of the day she was born. I can't believe it's been over 5 months since she arrived. Her birth turned out to be such an amazing, beautiful and yet intensely trying time for me. I want to  put down in words just how monumental those hours and minutes before and after Kate made her grand entrance into this world were. They changed me. They sculpted me. They have set the tone for who I am now as a mother and who I will become in the future. I'm not the type who dreamt of becoming a mother since she was a tiny girl. However, I was the type of person who, for reasons I didn't know then, but I'm beginning to understand now, wanted to experience childbirth. I wanted to be part of the "club", exchange that knowing glance with women who have also carried and given birth to a child. It was a bucket list experience I've checked off...and look forward to doing again someday, God willing. Last known picture of me pregnant...37 weeks, 10 days before our little sprout was born The day before Kate was born, a Saturday, started like most weekends while I was in the last stages of pregnancy. I went on a mad cleaning streak before collapsing, exhausted and worn out, in the afternoon. Around 5:30pm I was sitting on my couch watching one of my favorite movies, The Shawshank Redemption, for the 1,000th time. It was the part when Andy DuFrain says, "I understand you're a man who knows how to get things" when my water broke. I don't feel there is any need to go into details about it here, but there was absolutely no question in my mind that is what happened. Fortunately, Adam had called and told me he was on his way home after coaching volleyball for 10+ hours. Within 5 minutes Adam was home. As he wearily climbed the stairs he moaned, "I need a beer" to which I responded, "my water broke". At this point, I started to get scared and asked Adam a couple times if we could just stay home for a while and see what happens. I thought I was ready, but really I still had 10 days until this baby was supposed to arrive and even then I had spent most of my pregnancy prepping myself to go another 7+ days after our September 26th due date, after all that's what the majority of my girlfriends experienced! Adam, however, had kicked into high gear. He knew that we needed to get our stuff together and head to the hospital so they could monitor me. I wasn't having contractions (that I could feel) yet, but now that my water had broken, Kate and I were both susceptible to issues if she wasn't born relatively soon. The gear So, off to the hospital we went. It was the only time until after Kate was born that I cried. I was just scared. Scared about the pain that was sure to come, but also scared about the prospect of everything I knew changing forever. I was scared about becoming a mother. The hours after we were admitted were somewhat of a blur. At that point it was the middle of the night and we were both pretty tired. My parents showed up sometime before midnight and popped in to say hello before going to our house to sleep. I had been texting people on and off since we were admitted. Despite all of this I felt very alone, but not in a bad way. I felt gathered...collected. I took that time to wrap my head around what was happening and focus on what I needed to do over the next 24 hours to welcome my daughter safely and happily into this world. Texting with my 'peeps' Adam and I tried to sleep, but I wasn't able to catch more than 2 hours on and off all night. I had two monitors strapped to my huge, perfectly round stomach, so they kept slipping every time I moved. I also had been hooked into a Pitocin drip sometime after midnight when they realized I wasn't progressing fast enough. The Pitocin helped speed up the labor, but I was very disappointed that I now had a medication in my system. I had taken 10 weeks of Bradley Method classes to prepare me to go without unnecessary medicine during labor and delivery. I really wanted to be med-free and not chained to an IV pole as I labored, but I was also flexible and understood why I needed it, this was necessary. They had let me labor on my own for more than 5 hours to see how far I progressed and it just wasn't enough. My labor nurse, Tracey, was awesome. She had 2 of her 3 kids without an epidural, but with Pitocin, so she knew the challenges I would be facing and guided them through me with tough love and encouragement. The pain of contractions actually surprised me. I feel like early labor is a lot like distance running (and I just might know a little thing about running). It's 10% physical 90% mental. The pain, for me, wasn't intense at all, but it wore me down, dealing with a semi-strong contraction every 2 or 3 minutes, hour after hour. By sunrise I had been at it for over 12 hours and according to the OB on rotation at the time, I had about another 6 hours before they would start to consider a C-section. Around 9 in the morning the pain became very intense. I had hemmed and hawed about getting an epidural prior to that moment (I true sign that I didn't really need one...in my opinion) but at this point, I had Adam by the arm demanding him to get the anesthesiologist NOW! I'll never forget what Adam said after that - "I think you are in transition." I just had to laugh. It turns out he HAD been listening in the birth classes after all. He grabbed our nurse who confirmed that I was 9.5 cm...Almost 10. It took another 2 hours before I was ready to push, but knowing I was so close made the choice not to get an epidural easier....but, those were the longest 2 hours of my life. Then it was time to push and push I did for 2 more hours. I made great progress and actually started to fall asleep between pushes. I had basically been up for 27 hours now and I was beat. We had passed the magic 18 hour mark from when the OB wanted Kate out, but I was so so close she let me keep going rather than resort to a C-section...for that I am eternally grateful. The entire time Adam stood by my side, helping me count. He held my hand, held my leg...gave me strength and reassurance and encouragement the whole time. He told me, "You're doing it! You're doing great!" so many times. It was the best display of love I've ever received from him. Finally, at 1:01pm on Sunday September 16th, 19 hours after my water broke, Katherine Quinn entered the world. She came out with a raspy, angry cry. The best sound a momma can hear. They cleaned her and weighed her - 8lbs 6oz! She was a big girl for being 10 days early! She had a head full of dark hair and she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Unfortunately, shortly after she was born I started losing way more blood than the OB and nurses were comfortable with. I was suffering from postpartum hemorrhaging. Something common, apparently, for redheads to experience. Well, the steps that were taken to make that bleeding stop made labor and delivery without pain medicine a joke. It was bad. Very bad. Adam took Kate out of the room for most of it because I could not handle the pain I was experiencing. Luckily, they were able to stop the bleeding and patch me up so I could get Kate back into my arms, but it was certainly scary and excruciatingly painful for a while. (this one is super grainy for some reason...) In the end, though it didn't matter, none of the scary parts even factor in to how amazing her birth was. We did it. We made it safely to the other side of pregnancy...and most importantly we made it peacefully and joyfully together as a little family. We had to battle a little jaundice in the hospital with the 'glow blanket' That night I barely slept at all. I lay in bed, in the darkness of our room while Adam slept on the couch and just stared at our baby while I held her. My little miracle. I read a quote in a book recently that perfectly sums up my birth experience, it reads, "It was as though having a baby made all the fairy tales come true for her, as though she were a painter who discovered a color all new to the world." Nothing was closer to the truth than that quote in those moments shortly after I had Kate. It was the most beautiful experience of my life and continues to be every day since…