Setting Goals Post-Baby

So, my goal for this week? Set goals...No seriously, I've come to the conclusion that I need to draft a "life constitution" for myself. I think this has been a long time coming since going back to work after my maternity leave.

that was then...

After I had Kate, my goals boiled down to one thing: provide for this child. Of course, there were several facets of this goal like, maintain breastfeeding for as long as possible, make sure she had plenty of tummy time, try to establish healthy sleep habits, etc...but, they all fell underneath that umbrella of providing for Kate. Other things went by the wayside during that time...and I'll admit it was really difficult to see that happen. I wasn't necessarily the momma who abandoned all other duties to completely immerse myself in to the new role of motherhood. I longed to have my life revolve around more than just this little person. I longed so much for it, in fact, that it caused some deeper issues that may have bordered on post partum depression and anxiety. That is a topic I will hit in the near future, by the way, just not today.



...this is now!

Well, fast forward 6 months and here we are. Kate's doing fabulously. She's growing up healthy and happy in what I like to call our "real life" (aka: full time working momma and daddy, baby going to daycare 5 days a week, 9 hours a day) and not the limbo of maternity leave where my focus was set on one thing.

So, you know what that means? It means I'm reintroducing important (and not-so-important) aspects of my life that were essentially shelved for a few months while we adjusted to our new bundle of awesomeness. My career, relationship with Adam (outside of caring for Kate), fitness/exercise, reading/learning/culture, and friends and family are starting to seep back into my peripheral vision...Kate and Adam are, of course, still in the forefront.

Yes, I can't wait to get back to more of this...

and some of this...



way more of this!

and even a dash of this! (whatever this is, it looks like fun!)

While I'm excited to move forward and start folding back into a more normal pace of living, I want to make sure that I lay the groundwork for an amazingly happy, healthy and productive life. It's quite a unique opportunity if you think about it. A cleaning of the slate. A reset, if you will, of my life. There was life before Kate and then a hard line was drawn and I get to choose what happens on the other side of that line...it's easy when you have solid definition like that and I want to seize the chance to make good of it!



One the flip side, however, I know I can't do it all. I need to examine what's important to me and to my family and focus on those things. There is a saying that I love so much, "I can do anything, just not all at once". So, so true. Here it is, I've started to just jot down the things that matter to me the most:

__________________________

1) Family/Friends – What defines being the best mom/wife/daughter/in-law/friend you can be?

2) Food/Fitness – Lead my family into a healthy, happy life by taking care of myself first and foremost (“oxygen mask” theory), maintaining a standard of healthful eating, ensuring our family take opportunities to get outdoors and be active as a regular part of our routein

3) Home/Atmosphere – Provide an open and warm home, keep things clean and organized, decorate and make holidays special and memorable, include and incorporate eco-friendly aspects through cleaning, purchasing furniture, upcycling/recycling...whenever possible and continually building on this goal.

 (this seems like a weird one to place so much importance on, but having a functional home is key to my mental stability, it's my recharge zone..and when it's in disarray, so am I)

4) Culture – Strive to continue to immerse our family in quality entertainment and culture. Stay away from “mind numbing” media, explore and incorporate educational media whenever possible….unplug more.



5) Community – Take time to participate in the community by volunteering time and energy…helping others through service.

______________________________________

This isn't all of it and what's there is really, really rough. I need to expand and add some new ideas, and I haven't even touched on some biggies like spirituality and career, but it's a start. I hope that this "personal constitution" will help give me guidance to live the best, fullest life possible by reminding me what I'm here for and what goals I would like to accomplish in the near and distant future.

Have you ever put something like this together either professionally or personally? If you have, how did it look in the end and do you still follow it?

...and now on a lighter note: a little music Monday for you :) Spring is right around the corner, or at least it better be! Adam and I always compartmentilize music into seasons cuz we're crazy like that! You know, for us Bob Marley just doesn't cut it during Thanksgiving! So, I've decided to pull out some of the peppier, sunnier music in anticipation of the weather warming up. Hope you enjoy!

 

Gearing Up!

With spring and summer right around the corner I decided to go shopping for the little girl. Yikes.

I hope Adam isn't reading this!

There were some awesome deals out there (specifically Target and Old Nay and Gap). I scooped a variety of things for Kate, not only for warmer weather, but also this coming fall and winter....



I bought this jacket in 2 different sizes on clearance (my new favorite word...clearance).





How cute are these for next Christmas?!



We already have these pants from Old Navy and I love them so much I got them in the next size up...I'm seriously thinking about getting them in every size left that's larger than what I have now...

I also got a pair of these shorts in regular demin too...I can't wait for the weather to match these clothes :)



My final purchase I'm most excited about? This!

Of course, it says Kate instead of Quinn, but since that's Kate's middle name I took it as a good sign :)

Now the only left to purchase is an Easter dress...and I need to pull the trigger on that ASAP, it's right around the corner!



Philosophies on winter and the beginning of a new phase

I never thought in a million years I would type what I'm about to type: I'm loving this time of year. The late  winter, almost spring time when everything is dreary and grey. Traditionally, this time of year makes me cringe. Sure, there's Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day and March madness and all...but you can't really get out and do anything substantial (unless you have a freak year when it's averaging 70 degrees like last year).


Winter Wonderland...and construction zone.

This year, it's all changed. Instead of the weather being miserable and bleak, it's cozy. I find myself up early on weekend mornings with a warm cup of coffee watching my daughter quietly play with her toys instead of trying to fly through a long list of chores and activities that must be done. We snuggle up on the couch and read books and roll around on the ground playing for most of the morning. This calm, peacefulness is such a welcome change.

I really can't believe I've never noticed the silver lining to this time of year before. I really enjoy the changing seasons in the Midwest. They are usually so dramatically different from one another; each unique and fun in there own way. Somehow, I've always written this part of the winter off. It's peaceful, slow, calm...I feel like it's a time to reflect on how the year has been going so far and where I want it to go in the future. Why the change of heart? I, of course, want to attribute it to baby Kate and to motherhood. So much of me has changed, I shouldn't be surprised at all. Just one more pleasant surprise that being a mom has brought me.

And guess what else has been happening around our house? This!....



Seriously...she threw that dish like a discus right after this picture was snapped...avocado everywhere!



We've been noticing Kate's increasing interest in watching us eat and grabbing for food on our plates (not that I think she knows it's food...she grabs for everything, of course). We've tried spoon feeding her some baby oatmeal a couple times and last night we moved forward with some avocado smushed up with a little formula. Needless to say she's not a huge fan of being spoon fed. She makes a "yucky" face every time the spoon goes in! So, I decided to just let her play with bigger chunks of avocado and she loved tolerated it. I picked a book called, 'Baby Led Weaning' to help up transition from the all milk diet to "some solids whenever she seems interested" diet.

See mom, I can do this by myself.

 Baby led weaning is essentially letting a child, around 6 months in age, begin to explore and try foods by feeding themselves. They are given appropriately sized and cooked foods that they can pick up with their fingers and eat. This means no baby cereal or purees or spoon feeding - at all...like, ever! I don't think that I will be following the Baby Led Weaning book to a tee, but I like the idea of letting a child explore and make food choices on their own. There are so many issues with food and our relationship with food in this country, I just want to make sure we get off on a great start. Plus, it's been shown that kids that are allowed to handle and eat their own foods from the very beginning can be more adventurous, less picky eaters. Here's hoping!

Kate's Story

Warning: This is a long one!

  My purpose for this post wasn’t to focus purely on the physical happenings of Kate’s birth, but on how I felt and the emotions tied to that important day (i.e. I didn’t go into awkward details or gory stuff, so have no fear!) and although this is ultimately for me and Adam to document this amazing transition in our lives, I hope you enjoy it too!

________________________________________

I want to put Kate's birth story in writing before I start to lose the memories and details of the day she was born. I can't believe it's been over 5 months since she arrived. Her birth turned out to be such an amazing, beautiful and yet intensely trying time for me. I want to  put down in words just how monumental those hours and minutes before and after Kate made her grand entrance into this world were. They changed me. They sculpted me. They have set the tone for who I am now as a mother and who I will become in the future. I'm not the type who dreamt of becoming a mother since she was a tiny girl. However, I was the type of person who, for reasons I didn't know then, but I'm beginning to understand now, wanted to experience childbirth. I wanted to be part of the "club", exchange that knowing glance with women who have also carried and given birth to a child. It was a bucket list experience I've checked off...and look forward to doing again someday, God willing. Last known picture of me pregnant...37 weeks, 10 days before our little sprout was born The day before Kate was born, a Saturday, started like most weekends while I was in the last stages of pregnancy. I went on a mad cleaning streak before collapsing, exhausted and worn out, in the afternoon. Around 5:30pm I was sitting on my couch watching one of my favorite movies, The Shawshank Redemption, for the 1,000th time. It was the part when Andy DuFrain says, "I understand you're a man who knows how to get things" when my water broke. I don't feel there is any need to go into details about it here, but there was absolutely no question in my mind that is what happened. Fortunately, Adam had called and told me he was on his way home after coaching volleyball for 10+ hours. Within 5 minutes Adam was home. As he wearily climbed the stairs he moaned, "I need a beer" to which I responded, "my water broke". At this point, I started to get scared and asked Adam a couple times if we could just stay home for a while and see what happens. I thought I was ready, but really I still had 10 days until this baby was supposed to arrive and even then I had spent most of my pregnancy prepping myself to go another 7+ days after our September 26th due date, after all that's what the majority of my girlfriends experienced! Adam, however, had kicked into high gear. He knew that we needed to get our stuff together and head to the hospital so they could monitor me. I wasn't having contractions (that I could feel) yet, but now that my water had broken, Kate and I were both susceptible to issues if she wasn't born relatively soon. The gear So, off to the hospital we went. It was the only time until after Kate was born that I cried. I was just scared. Scared about the pain that was sure to come, but also scared about the prospect of everything I knew changing forever. I was scared about becoming a mother. The hours after we were admitted were somewhat of a blur. At that point it was the middle of the night and we were both pretty tired. My parents showed up sometime before midnight and popped in to say hello before going to our house to sleep. I had been texting people on and off since we were admitted. Despite all of this I felt very alone, but not in a bad way. I felt gathered...collected. I took that time to wrap my head around what was happening and focus on what I needed to do over the next 24 hours to welcome my daughter safely and happily into this world. Texting with my 'peeps' Adam and I tried to sleep, but I wasn't able to catch more than 2 hours on and off all night. I had two monitors strapped to my huge, perfectly round stomach, so they kept slipping every time I moved. I also had been hooked into a Pitocin drip sometime after midnight when they realized I wasn't progressing fast enough. The Pitocin helped speed up the labor, but I was very disappointed that I now had a medication in my system. I had taken 10 weeks of Bradley Method classes to prepare me to go without unnecessary medicine during labor and delivery. I really wanted to be med-free and not chained to an IV pole as I labored, but I was also flexible and understood why I needed it, this was necessary. They had let me labor on my own for more than 5 hours to see how far I progressed and it just wasn't enough. My labor nurse, Tracey, was awesome. She had 2 of her 3 kids without an epidural, but with Pitocin, so she knew the challenges I would be facing and guided them through me with tough love and encouragement. The pain of contractions actually surprised me. I feel like early labor is a lot like distance running (and I just might know a little thing about running). It's 10% physical 90% mental. The pain, for me, wasn't intense at all, but it wore me down, dealing with a semi-strong contraction every 2 or 3 minutes, hour after hour. By sunrise I had been at it for over 12 hours and according to the OB on rotation at the time, I had about another 6 hours before they would start to consider a C-section. Around 9 in the morning the pain became very intense. I had hemmed and hawed about getting an epidural prior to that moment (I true sign that I didn't really need one...in my opinion) but at this point, I had Adam by the arm demanding him to get the anesthesiologist NOW! I'll never forget what Adam said after that - "I think you are in transition." I just had to laugh. It turns out he HAD been listening in the birth classes after all. He grabbed our nurse who confirmed that I was 9.5 cm...Almost 10. It took another 2 hours before I was ready to push, but knowing I was so close made the choice not to get an epidural easier....but, those were the longest 2 hours of my life. Then it was time to push and push I did for 2 more hours. I made great progress and actually started to fall asleep between pushes. I had basically been up for 27 hours now and I was beat. We had passed the magic 18 hour mark from when the OB wanted Kate out, but I was so so close she let me keep going rather than resort to a C-section...for that I am eternally grateful. The entire time Adam stood by my side, helping me count. He held my hand, held my leg...gave me strength and reassurance and encouragement the whole time. He told me, "You're doing it! You're doing great!" so many times. It was the best display of love I've ever received from him. Finally, at 1:01pm on Sunday September 16th, 19 hours after my water broke, Katherine Quinn entered the world. She came out with a raspy, angry cry. The best sound a momma can hear. They cleaned her and weighed her - 8lbs 6oz! She was a big girl for being 10 days early! She had a head full of dark hair and she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Unfortunately, shortly after she was born I started losing way more blood than the OB and nurses were comfortable with. I was suffering from postpartum hemorrhaging. Something common, apparently, for redheads to experience. Well, the steps that were taken to make that bleeding stop made labor and delivery without pain medicine a joke. It was bad. Very bad. Adam took Kate out of the room for most of it because I could not handle the pain I was experiencing. Luckily, they were able to stop the bleeding and patch me up so I could get Kate back into my arms, but it was certainly scary and excruciatingly painful for a while. (this one is super grainy for some reason...) In the end, though it didn't matter, none of the scary parts even factor in to how amazing her birth was. We did it. We made it safely to the other side of pregnancy...and most importantly we made it peacefully and joyfully together as a little family. We had to battle a little jaundice in the hospital with the 'glow blanket' That night I barely slept at all. I lay in bed, in the darkness of our room while Adam slept on the couch and just stared at our baby while I held her. My little miracle. I read a quote in a book recently that perfectly sums up my birth experience, it reads, "It was as though having a baby made all the fairy tales come true for her, as though she were a painter who discovered a color all new to the world." Nothing was closer to the truth than that quote in those moments shortly after I had Kate. It was the most beautiful experience of my life and continues to be every day since…

Wordless Wednesday: 5 Months

I have a 5-month-old daughter. That just sounds crazy to me. It's not a tiny little baby anymore and definitely not a newborn....but a standard issue infant. Time sure is flying by.

Kate Likes:

grasping at toys...and anything she can lunge at before we stop her

Wheels on the Bus song

Chicca Chicca Boom Boom book

holding her own bottle (although she can't keep it up quite yet)

Rolling from back to tummy

Kate Does Not Like:

spinning toys on her Exersaucer that won't come off when she tugs on them

Monkeys

Strangers, or unfamiliar people...this one is making me sad!

Putting her sleep sack on. She knows it's bedtime

The result of not being able to move once she has rolled from back to tummy

Love you Katerbug!

Ramblings on Being a Working Mom

I, and I alone made the choice to be a working mom.

Alright, that's a lie..my husband helped me a lot with the decision. Honestly, this is a decision I made long before I even laid eyes on my daughter, long before she was even a reality. I've always just known I would be a working mom. This decision was not an easy one to come to once little Katerbug actually arrived. The choice to work is based in part on the fact that while we have a solid combined income between our jobs, it's not great. We could pull it off...we know people that do pull it off with less and do it very well. But, to be honest the money factor is only a small portion of the choice. I love what I do. I've dreamed of working in the environmental field, and working in a big city, before I ever dreamed of becoming a mother.

I used to imagine a day, when I was all grown up and part of my job would include waking up and taking a glamorous (ha!!) train ride downtown to a skyscraper..I'd be all dressed up in a skirt and heels calling the shots and saving the Earth. The rest of the time I'd be in full out field gear, tromping around in streams and fields making keen observations about the natural world around me...diligently taking notes in my field book. You know what? I did it. I worked my butt off for my education and I'm really, very proud of my degree and my university (Boiler Up!). I worked my butt off again after college and landed the job I always pictured having in my mind. It's really a dream realized which, in my experience, doesn't happen on the regular. At least not the big dreams.

That's not to say we didn't give having me stay home some real consideration. We did give the alternative a bit of thought, when I was on maternity leave. Lots of time was spent weighing the pros and cons of having me quit my job to stay home full time and raise our daughter, but in the end I went back to work.

So, my overriding philosophy on being a working mom has been this:

Appreciate the life you've worked so hard for. You made this choice, so there will be no bad feelings tied to it, dragging you down. Make the time you have with Kate and the husband count. Don't worry about Kate when you are at work (I struggle with this) and don't worry about work when you are at home. Most importantly, live in the moment, don't live in an imaginary alternative world that you think would be so much better than this one. Embrace it...this is your life.

But there are moments...oh man, are there moments.

This morning was a tough one. Coming off of a nice, long 3-day weekend where I spent copious amounts of family time with the husband and Kate was rough. Going back to work was the very, very last thing I want to do. There were a thousand excuses why I should stay home but, we packed up and headed out anyway. And, even though I was playing my "working mom mantra" over and over in my head, trying to stay positive, trying to "embrace the choice"..MY choice to go to work today...that little face almost killed me. That perfect gummy grin that I love to smile back to everyday.

It's alright. I know that little smile will be there for me in just a few short hours.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Can you feel the love...today? 

Here are some lovely 'love' quotes I found scouring around on the interwebz this morning...I'm a sucker for a moving quote and I felt that these do justice to the love I'm feeling today!

I can't wait for the husband and baby Kate to come home tonight so we can celebrate Valentine's Day together as a family for the first time!  We've never been the types to go over the top for this holiday, instead we focus on the feeling of gratitude to have such amazing love in our lives (okay, and sometimes an amazing dinner at my all-time favorite tapas restaurant, but that's it!)...I'm just thrilled to be celebrating with my daughter this year.

We don't have any grand plans - just a simple home cooked steak dinner for mommy and daddy and some V-day books for Kate to open.

I can't wait to read these to her tonight!

...and now for some cuteness (if I do say so myself)