Ramblings on Being a Working Mom

I, and I alone made the choice to be a working mom.

Alright, that's a lie..my husband helped me a lot with the decision. Honestly, this is a decision I made long before I even laid eyes on my daughter, long before she was even a reality. I've always just known I would be a working mom. This decision was not an easy one to come to once little Katerbug actually arrived. The choice to work is based in part on the fact that while we have a solid combined income between our jobs, it's not great. We could pull it off...we know people that do pull it off with less and do it very well. But, to be honest the money factor is only a small portion of the choice. I love what I do. I've dreamed of working in the environmental field, and working in a big city, before I ever dreamed of becoming a mother.

I used to imagine a day, when I was all grown up and part of my job would include waking up and taking a glamorous (ha!!) train ride downtown to a skyscraper..I'd be all dressed up in a skirt and heels calling the shots and saving the Earth. The rest of the time I'd be in full out field gear, tromping around in streams and fields making keen observations about the natural world around me...diligently taking notes in my field book. You know what? I did it. I worked my butt off for my education and I'm really, very proud of my degree and my university (Boiler Up!). I worked my butt off again after college and landed the job I always pictured having in my mind. It's really a dream realized which, in my experience, doesn't happen on the regular. At least not the big dreams.

That's not to say we didn't give having me stay home some real consideration. We did give the alternative a bit of thought, when I was on maternity leave. Lots of time was spent weighing the pros and cons of having me quit my job to stay home full time and raise our daughter, but in the end I went back to work.

So, my overriding philosophy on being a working mom has been this:

Appreciate the life you've worked so hard for. You made this choice, so there will be no bad feelings tied to it, dragging you down. Make the time you have with Kate and the husband count. Don't worry about Kate when you are at work (I struggle with this) and don't worry about work when you are at home. Most importantly, live in the moment, don't live in an imaginary alternative world that you think would be so much better than this one. Embrace it...this is your life.

But there are moments...oh man, are there moments.

This morning was a tough one. Coming off of a nice, long 3-day weekend where I spent copious amounts of family time with the husband and Kate was rough. Going back to work was the very, very last thing I want to do. There were a thousand excuses why I should stay home but, we packed up and headed out anyway. And, even though I was playing my "working mom mantra" over and over in my head, trying to stay positive, trying to "embrace the choice"..MY choice to go to work today...that little face almost killed me. That perfect gummy grin that I love to smile back to everyday.

It's alright. I know that little smile will be there for me in just a few short hours.